


Not Small, But Valuable

by krembo



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Earth C (Homestuck), Fluff, Gen, Minor Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas, Nonnies Made Me Do It, Not Epilogue Compliant, Post-Canon, Sickfic, crosspost
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-11
Updated: 2019-06-11
Packaged: 2020-05-01 17:22:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19182358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/krembo/pseuds/krembo
Summary: TG: cuddle karkat for me until i get backGG: no way! i dont want to get sick!TG: harley you traitor





	Not Small, But Valuable

Dave had warned Jade that Karkat was sick, but Jade didn't realize how sick that was until she made it over to their hive and found him in the kitchen, one big blanket-covered lump slumped against the counter in front of the coffee machine. 

"Karkat?" Jade asked tentatively. No response. Jeez, had he really managed to fall asleep mostly upright? 

She shook his shoulder and he startled awake, shrieking and brandishing a sickle at her. Unfortunately, he'd forgotten about his blanket, so he mostly managed to poke the tip of his weapon through it. 

"Fuck, don't sneak up on me," Karkat said, voice raspy. "I could have hurt you." He tugged at the sickle, shaking the whole front of the blanket but not managing to dislodge it. 

"Yeah, you could have done some real damage," Jade said, rolling her eyes, then helpfully grabbed the blanket so Karkat could get the sickle out. 

After some wiggling around, he managed it. "Thanks," he said grudgingly, then flipped the blanket dramatically over his head like a hood and stomped back to the couch. "Oh shit, my coffee," he said, and started stomping right back.

"Oh my god, sit down!" Jade said. "I'll bring you your coffee. Shouldn't you be in bed? And eating chicken soup or something?" She turned back to the coffee machine. She didn't drink coffee, but it couldn't be that hard, right? Just some ratio of powder to water.

"I'm not sure if you noticed, but Dave and I mostly live off of takeout and regret," Karkat said. His voice was a little clearer; he must have taken the blanket off his head. "The last time we had cluckbeast was a month ago, and it was fried and came in a cylindrical carton."

"You mean in a bucket?"

"In a _cylindrical carton_!" 

Karkat's voice broke when he yelled, and then his voice dissolved into a series of wet-sounding coughs that came one after the other, giving him no time to breathe. Jade bit her lip and resolved to avoid making fun of him as much as possible until he felt better. Instead, she pulled out her phone and messaged Dave.

GG: come home! your boyfriend needs cuddles!  
TG: cant  
TG: im on a quest  
TG: cracking heads taking names roaming the world  
TG: increasing my power levels and making enemies into friends with the same anime theme in the background each time  
TG: seriously how many times can one plot repeat itself  
GG: have you been watching naruto again?  
TG: what no   
TG: but if i was watching naruto itd just be to compare it to troll naruto  
TG: jade you have to watch troll naruto  
TG: it is AMAZING holy shit  
TG: naruto murders someone every episode  
TG: usually right after a friendship speech  
TG: and the show doesnt seem to realize theres any contradiction there  
GG: i dont care! come home and take care of karkat you slacker!!  
TG: i am taking care of him  
TG: apparently the only thing he can keep down when hes sick is this disgusting grain and grub blood soup his dad used to make him so im trying to find someone else who makes it  
TG: but apparently what trolls eat when theyre sick is culturally tied to what lusus they had and were too far inland for crabs  
TG: or maybe it was an alternia exclusive and crabdads on earth c make something totally different for their sick kids  
TG: idk for sure  
TG: anyway im bringing him disgusting replacement soup instead  
TG: ill be back soon  
TG: until i get back cuddle him for me  
GG: no way! i dont want to get sick!  
TG: harley you traitor  
TG: just for that after whatever disgusting troll virus karkat has is done incubating in me im going to sneeze on you repeatedly  
GG: ew :( 

The coffee was pretty much done, so Jade poured it into a TROLL KING mug which she assumed belonged to Karkat and brought it back to him. He stared at it suspiciously. "Why is it this texture?" He asked.

"Texture?" Jade looked at the mug. It was a dark liquid, like coffee was on TV.

"Yeah. It's all thin. Where's the sludge?" 

Okay, maybe she should have let Karkat make his own coffee.

"Hey, here's an idea," Jade said, sitting on the other end of the couch from Karkat. (Dave was probably going to sneeze on her no matter what. Also, the snot coming out of Karkat's nose was a gross watery red color, and Jade really didn't want that on her.) "Why don't we rest and watch TV? We can watch troll Naruto!" 

"Jade," Karkat said, "if I have to watch another episode of troll Naruto I am going to burn down my own fucking hive." 

"Jeez, how many episodes has Dave made you watch?"

"He's watched three episodes a night for half a sweep now, so too fucking many!" 

Oops, he was almost yelling. He was definitely going to start coughing again at this rate. Jade grabbed the remote to distract him. "We can watch the romcom of your choice?" She offered.

Karkat settled back into the couch - and his blanket nest - with a grumble. "Put on troll You've Got Mail," he ordered. 

Dave came back with his arms full of white plastic bags twenty minutes into the movie, which was about ten minutes after Karkat had drifted off. He took one look at the screen where Troll Meg Ryan was dashing through acid rain with a jacket over her head and said, "aw man, he's going to be so pissed when he wakes up, he hates it when he sleeps through this part." 

"He needs the rest!" Jade said. "And jeez, that's a lot of soup."

"Yeah, I wasn't sure what would work as a replacement for the exact kind of soup his dad used to make him, so I got one of every kind of blood and weirdly specific alien grain soup from a few different shops. I figure he has to like one of them, and then after he's finally had something to eat I can go back and grab him some more." She heard the fridge open as Dave started stacking the various soups inside, then close again before he came back out and flopped on the couch between her and Karkat, wrapping an arm around Karkat's blanket-covered form and flopping a leg into her lap. "Trolls will eat so many kinds of blood, it's amazing and ridiculous. I didn't even know you could get blood out of beetles, but apparently that's an entire industry for them." 

Jade poked Dave's foot. His toes scrunched up and stayed that way. "I want to try whatever Karkat doesn't like," she said. 

"You're too good for sick cuddles but not too good for beetle blood soup?" 

"Yes!" 

"Fine." Dave wriggled around some more until both his feet were in Jade's lap, his head most of the way on Karkat's shoulder. "If Karkat decides to bring it to us after he gets us both sick, I'm blaming you."

"He's not going to get me sick," Jade said, watching Dave somehow manage to wrap his entire upper body around Karkat without disturbing him, but she also didn't move farther away. Instead she settled back against the couch and closed her eyes. Onscreen, Troll Tom Hanks entered Troll Meg Ryan's bookhive for the first time, and the familiar dialogue mixed with Dave's mumbling and Karkat's loud, deep breathing made it easy for her to drift off.


End file.
